There are all sorts of Tumblr blogs, Twitter accounts, and Reddit subforums dedicated to outing OKCupid users who just can’t seem to catch a break from Cupid. Here are nine particularly memorable messages I’ve received in the year-plus I’ve been a member of the most notorious dating site of them all. Well, until Tinder hit the scene. And Grindr. Let’s not forget Grinder.
My profile is an essay, and that’s all you have to say? Next.
“Ok, not gonna lie. I am only here for a few more weeks and looking to have some fun. Interested?”
Negative, you 21-year-old frat boy.
“Heart attacks a minute are not good for your health. As a fake doctor, I would advise spending a lot of money on products that don’t work to fix that.”
I have no idea what this is in reference to. I read through my entire profile…twice.
Note: This is message 3 of 3: “You should at least read my profile for my list of authors I read. Okay, last message.”
Erm. In message No. 2, he told me 22 is his spirit number.
“I’m into older women.”
My mouth dropped open. I then screenshot-ed this and sent it to my other twenty-something friends.
“How do I prove that I am interested in you and earn a date?”
Sigh. Am I gonna have to plan the date, too?
“Hormonally, women have an easier time achieving an orgasm in the morning. So why are you not over here with me right now getting a soothing full body massage with soft kisses all over as we get to know each other???”
First message in total. Showed this to my mom and she threw her head back and laughed.
“Not gonna lie, I’m really turned on thinkin about you running chocolate covered French fries all over your body…”
To be fair, this was a third message—and he did capitalize “French.” Dad got a kick out of this one.
“I always leave the toilet seat up, and have beer cans laying all over my apartment. Is this acceptable?”
Nope-ing out of this one.